2005
06.30

Uncertainty

Looking toward the future
with a frightened eye
staring down uncertainty
trying to pass the quiet nights
without letting my mind go astray

There are too many thoughts
I can't bear to think
too many possibilities
I don't have the courage to consider

I'm not scared of the future
just blinded by dreams gone awry
living in a past
checkered with defeats
and cradling ideals long since lost and forgotten

No journey has gone the direction I planned
No sprint has moved at the pace I wanted
So now I sit here
completely out of dreams
pining for what should have been
but never will be
frightened by possibilities turned into destinies
and clinging on to improbable hope
slipping through my fingers

Uncertain about everything
save what I fear
Destined for nothing
but what I despise

There is no glorious future
there is no happy end
just a game of self-deceit
that never quite fulfills

2005
06.17

Envy

Envy is a dangerous emotion, it is a cancer to society and, sadly, a natural part of human nature. It causes us to look at the accomplishments and possessions of our fellow man and react not with awe or esteem, but hatred and discontent.

Those with envy look up to their targets while spitting down upon them within the same stroke. They desire their possessions, crave their qualities and lust for their accomplishments all the while creating a hole within themselves, a deep void that must be filled.

However, rather than filling this void by bettering themselves and earning the laurels they crave, they fill it by stealing them from those who've earned them and by breaking their victims down, dragging those with merit down to the level filth the envious occupy. Those with envy in their hearts work tirelessly, chipping away at what others have created until they can climb the pile of rubble left behind and stand alone atop it like a king.

Envy is destructive, it is petty and it is within us all. It's in the insults we hurl, the fists that we throw and the games that we play. Though some are more prone than others, we are all vulnerable to it. Every one of us has it in their hearts.

As good humans, we must not give in to these petty urges. We must never let our desire for more turn us against those who have it. Tearing down what others have built purely for the sake a filling a hole within ourselves achieves nothing, neither filling the hole nor creating any greater good. Difficult though it may be, creation is the higher achievement and it is the only thing that quells the voice of envy inside all of us.

Also, in addition to checking our own hearts, we must not let ourselves fall victim to the envious. They will prod, they will kick, they will insult and they will vandalize, but, unless the creators lower themselves to level of the envious, they can never destroy.

For we are what we build and we are what we do. If we never buckle before the weight of the envious, we will always be above them, no matter what they say.

Because no matter how much pettiness and insults might sting, nothing hurts worse than being trapped in the abyss that is the sludge of envy. We must endure the pin pricks of the envious in order to avoid wallowing in the lake of stagnant inadequacy.

It's a small price to pay and a burden all too easily carried if one can look ahead and see the larger goal.