Raven’s Rants

You broke a thousand hearts
on your way to mine
you tore through a thousand lonely souls
and shattered a thousand dreams
before a twist of fate
brought you to my door

I can’t escape you
no matter how many times I turn around
I see you there
looking back at me
your beautiful face
too tempting to resist
your smile
too wonderful to deny

Looking toward the future
with a frightened eye
staring down uncertainty
trying to pass the quiet nights
without letting my mind go astray

When I look into your eyes
I see that something has been left behind
through the smiles and gentle kisses
I see a heart still longing
a touch left unfulfilled
a kiss that is vapor to the wind

I would have told you I love you
if we hadn’t been saying goodbye
With the end always a breath away
it never seemed real to me
like vapors disappearing before my eyes
and even though you’re gone today
there’s a ghost lurking within my mind

The night sun burns bright this evening
as it watches us dance in the rain
We pick its fruits
and share its bounty
as we embrace its cold, crystal air
It sparkles in our eyes
with every longing gaze
and fills the air
between every soft kiss
It opens up the darkness
so we can live as kings
owning the world around us
freeing us from the burdens of man
and the inhibitions of mortal life
It gives us
two hopeless lovers
a place to call our own
as the rest of the world
cools in the shroud of darkness
and slumbers the hours away
The night sun is our sun
It asks for nothing
It takes nothing
Instead offering us a place to dance
hand in hand
until the morning comes
Watching us with misty tears
that turn to dew as they touch the grass
beneath the feet of two hopeless lovers
who are finding one another
in a clearing of darkness
made by the smiling face of the nighttime sun
and owned for a moments eternity
by two lovers dancing
in the cold midnight rain

Open up the wounds
let the heartache flow again
watch me turn to my addictions
and let temptation be my guide
I’ll quell the pain with thoughts of lust
drown the tears in temporary joys
as I’m tripping up the stairs of life
falling on every step I climb
It’s a blind charge through endless repetition
running into doors I’ve closed
with a history of lies
I can’t do the things I love anymore
I only love one thing now
and it calls to me
at times like these
like a lover lost in the night
it finds me with open arms
and pulls me aside
Am I strong enough to win this fight?
Can I do this all again?
As my strength cracks and breaks
I see how I’ve lied to myself
about the twisted merry-go-round I’m riding
and how long I can hold on
before I’m hurled aside for good
Because even though there’s determination
lurking within my eyes
I can still feel myself fading
disappearing within my mind
There is no exit from this place
There is no victory to be found
Just another day of trials
another day to watch myself grow weak
It’s just my fate
and the cross I bear
watching life turn around
spinning with the hands of the clock
opening up everything that was old
memories I tried to forget
become new again
and I’m sliding
as I’m racing to the end
holding on as strong
as my shattered will allows
waiting until I finally slip
and drift into nothingness
losing myself for good
and forever ending
this senseless repetition

On a long and solemn night
in the middle of a southern summer
we sat underneath the moonlight
whispering in the dark
though a million words were said
not a one could be heard
over the sound of teardrops falling
into the dew-soaked grass
Just when the shattering of two hearts
grew too much to bear
our minds started wondering
pondering what was said
searching for right answers
to questions never asked
seeking what could have been
while watching what we had blow away
with the winds of heavy breaths
Slowly we found ourselves hanging to every word
like reading the last chapter slowly
just trying to postpone the end
Because when we run out of things to say
and goodbye can be said no more
we’re disappearing into the distance
like mist fading into the cooling air
Soon there will only be memories
and the photographs that remain
cold comfort for an empty pillow
and the questions wrapped around my head
I just hope that you think of me
at least until the end of time
that you won’t lose me like I lost you
on that solemn night
when the teardrops fell through the warm summer air

There’s a new moon out tonight
and it’s the darkest night of the year
You can hear children crawling beneath their beds
and clutching their sheets in fear
while murmuring their prayers and hitting their lights
as they wait for the sun to appear

I remember how it began
with tempers flaring and heartache nearing
We were saying words never meant to be said
and now we’re hurting one another just because
we were too weak to face ourselves
We cry because we love
We cry because we care
But we forget that in this world
everything has a price
and that even teardrops aren’t free

There’s a serpent wrapped around my heart
and he’s smiling up at me
He hisses softly as he squeezes tighter
slowly strangling me with every beat
Though I fight and though I scream
I’m helpless as he wrings the tears from my eyes
All I can do is watch in silence
as he crushes my soul and feasts on its remains
Even though I want him to go
I can’t ask him to leave
because I don’t even know his name

I remember well sitting in class
making models of airplanes
and drawing pictures of rocket ships
I saw myself as a pilot
soaring far above the clouds
or as an astronaut
tearing through the blackness of space
To me, time was infinite
the days were always sunny
and if I needed a new dream
all I had to do was take a look
at one of my perfect drawings of rocket ships

How we long for nights like these
Where time seems to freeze
In the chilly midnight air
And we have nothing to do
But hold each other tight
In a warm, tender embrace
But as I strain to pull you closer
Close enough to feel your heartbeat
Pounding in my hands
I see that no words are worthy
Of how I feel right now
And close to you
Is never close enough

If you step outside into the crystal midnight air
you can feel the moonlight dancing across your skin.
As it lights the world below with its hues of pale white
it cools everything it touches making the very air around us
seem to leap away from our faces
and hide in the shadows for safety.
One has to wonder how any reflection of the sun
can be so cruel and dim
lighting as much as it obscures
and cooling as much as it warms.
For what the sun gives
the moon takes away
sealing the world into the other side of the looking glass
leaving the earth frozen and barren
but beautiful all the same.
For when I feel the moon strike me
with it’s pale rays of ice
though it brings no warmth or comfort
nonetheless it brings me life.
I know I’m trapped in the looking glass.
Just looking back at life itself
like the moonlight stretching across the earth
I’m cold and lifeless
but perhaps beautiful all the same.
So if you enjoy my moonlight
as it dances across your skin
perhaps you’ll share kind words
with a face trapped in the looking glass
just trying to stay warm in the crystal midnight air.

Line us up orderly
Make us neat and pretty
And take away everything we hold dear
Strip us of our pride
And kick us when we’re down
Because we’re all just corpses that never stopped breathing
And everyone one of us is doomed

I was strolling through the garden
of a house made of crystal
when I stumbled upon a bed
of gorgeous glass roses.
Carefully, I picked the tallest one
and held it against the mid-day sun
which was beating down on the garden
made of colored glass.
It was so pure and beautiful
with its petals
fashioned with great care
I loved the way it caught the light
and its colors sparkled against
the bright blue sky behind it.
It was so perfect and graceful
that when I realized it would never fade
or wilt like the roses I had held before,
I almost wept with joy.
With the wind at my back
and the silken grass at my feet
I gripped the rose tight
and kissed it gently on its cool petals
feeling its perfection against my lips.
But when I looked to the ground
to find a place to sit
I saw three drops of crimson
slide down the rose’s smooth stem
and into the dust below.
On my hands were seven bleeding cuts.
And on the rose were seven blood-stained thorns.
“Even glass roses have thorns,”
I mumbled to the earth.
But unable to stand the pain
I set the rose gently on the ground
thinking I could come see it another day.
But when I returned
many years down the road,
I found the garden of glass shattered
and in the middle
the broken shards of my gorgeous glass rose.

I suppose we all have a place like this
somewhere we go
when the defeats of the world
just become too much to bear
and escape is our only choice.
Some people head to rooftops
where they can watch the world
unfold below them
and feel superior to the people
toiling beneath their feet
like Zeus on Olympus
or perhaps Caesar on his throne.
Others head far out
to some exotic place with palm trees
and hula skirts.
They take in the scenery
and let the pampering melt away their worries
much like Cleopatra in Egypt
or perhaps Elizabeth in England.
But me, I suppose I’m different.
When the world becomes too much
and my losses and worries too great to bear
I head not to the rooftops of New York
nor the beaches of Waikiki
but to the forest next door
to a little place I know
that rests at the edge of a stream
It’s a lovely place
nestled underneath the nearby roads
far enough away to be quiet
close enough in to be reached.
But it’s also a lonely place
no minions
no pampering
not even basic conversation.
Nonetheless, it’s my place
my home
my center
with nothing but the sound of gurgling water
and the wind blowing through the trees.
It lets you think.
It lets you put it all in perspective
and melt the worries away for good.
But while I’ve traded the power of Zeus
and the pampering of Cleopatra
for the rustic styling of Thoreau
it doesn’t change a thing.
It’s what I need to find my strength
when all hope seems lost.
It’s what I need to preserve my sanity
in the a very insane world.
I like it there
and I think it likes me too
because never once has it asked me to leave
or pushed me away.
Never once has it told me
I don’t have enough money
or enough friends to stay.
You are free to keep your way
your homes of gods and kings.
Me, when the world gets to be too much
and the defeats become too much to bear
I’ll still head to the same place
my quite little home
perhaps my final resting place
along the stream bank.

I am a watcher
that is what I do
I go to crowded clubs
perhaps places I don’t belong
pull up a chair
or a table in some dark corner
and watch
Sometimes people notice me
point fingers in my direction
or make loud comments
I was meant to hear
I do nothing
I just notice it
and file it away like everything else
I know people fear me
They have to
But they fear me
not because I do bad things
or even good things
but because I do nothing
nothing but watch
I know these people
I know who their friends are
what they like
what they hate
who they’re sleeping with
That’s what scares them
it frightens them to know that someone
somewhere
knows them unbiased
knows their weaknesses
knows their vices
perhaps even better
than they understand themselves
They fear I’ve passed some judgment on them
that by watching them
somehow I’ve ranked them
They just don’t understand me
I pass no judgment
For I am a watcher
I am a witness
I am no judge
It’s not my place to uphold or condemn
But I do meet these judges
They come up to me
and ask me things
Perhaps curious about me
or maybe just trying to tap into my wisdom
for their own selfish benefit
But I do not speak truthfully to them
My wisdom is my own
and I never part with it
I just talk in riddles
and watch as they try to make sense of them
For that is what I do
I am a watcher
I watch Gods, judges and men all the same
In a darkened corner
of some crowded club
never interfering
never changing
always learning
and forever watching
for that is all I do
and ever will do
For I am a watcher
and will be until I die
and perhaps even past then.

Here we go again.
We’re right back where we began.
Please don’t act surprised
And don’t pretend that you can’t understand
What all of this is about.
You know that I’m always going to be me
Wondering, curious, stupid little me
Asking the questions that I can never keep at bay.
I mean, is this love the best for me?
Or does it hold me down?
By clipping my wings
Making me as useless
And as pathetic as the caged eagle.
Do I make you happy?
Or is this love an illusion
Another trick my mind has played on me?
And what about all of the fun
That I could have had?
And the things I’ll never see?
I have to wonder if happiness is eluding me
Or if I am deluding myself
Drinking deep from the liquor
Of infatuation and selfish pride.
Would I be happier with someone else?
Could they make me feel special?
Could they make me feel loved?
Could we survive long nights alone?
You know, maybe this is all out of convenience
Perhaps love is just another shortcut through life
And we’re just too lazy
To pack our stuff and move away.
Maybe, just too scared to try.
Am I fooling myself?
Pretending you were someone else.
Wondering why you stay around
When you know I get this way.
You have to face it my dear
I’ll always bring you tears
I’ll always play upon your fears
I’m always going to bring you down.
I just wish I were as strong as you.
Oh well, I guess that makes me envious too.
Maybe I just don’t have a clue
Of what love means anymore.
I guess I’m just not the kind of guy
Who was meant to settle down
Or the kind that was meant to have a home
Sleeping with the same woman night after night.
Sometimes the only thing
That makes me want to stay
Is how you’re always there for me.
Because whenever the questions disappear
And I wipe away the tears
I see you smiling back at me.
You’ve never once gotten mad at me
Nor the least bit bitter for what I’ve said.
You’ve just calmly held my hand
And told me that you understand.
No matter what hell I’ve put you through
You’re there for me
Comforting me
And that’s why I can’t push you away.
Because every time I wipe my tears
I want to see you there
Smiling back at me.
You know, perhaps I question
Purely for the sake of questioning
Or perhaps it’s my messed up human nature
Making me always wonder what I’m missing.
But as long as you stand by my side
And calmly hold my hand
I promise to pull through
Because even in my darkest hour
I cannot question how you feel.
It’s all too obvious that you love me.
Even though I’ll never know why.
Until the day I die, I’ll never doubt
What you feel for me
And how you’re always there for me
With your smiling face
And your loving eyes
Peeking through my tears
As I wipe them from my face.
You make me love you
And even though sometimes
I want to hate you for that
All I can do is love you back.
Because to find someone as special as you
Is such a rare and beautiful thing
That to pass it up now for any reason
Or anyone
Is an idea so ridiculous
It is beyond all questioning.

If I disappeared tomorrow
Another writer would take my place
If I died suddenly and tragically
Any soul with a voice could carry my message
If I quit and walked away
Someone else would do my job
And If I decided I wasn’t strong enough
Almost anyone could protect my friends
But if I vanished today
Would you miss me my love?
Or would someone just fill the void in your heart?
Would someone be able to take my place with you?
My place in your bed?
My place in your life?
My place in your heart?
Because if someone could my love
If someone could make you happy
Then let me step aside now
Let me disappear once and for all
Let someone else take my place
And bear the burdens that I carry now
If someone else can take my place for you
Let me go the way of ancient Gods
And disappear into oblivion
Let me nestle down at a truck stop
Somewhere on the edge of nowhere
There in the corner I’ll sit
With my hat covering my face
Hiding, sulking, being replaced.
If I am truly expendable
Then let me go there
Because I grow weary of fighting
I grow tired of pressing on
I’d rather bow out with grace and applause
Then forever live a lie, doing another man’s work
But if you’d miss me
Even for one moment on some distant day
Then I won’t budge
I won’t give
Because some things are worth fighting for
Some things are worth dying for
And if love is not such a thing
Then it’s life itself that’s a lie
And I am just a piece of a larger puzzle
That spans the entire universe
Making paper look oceans deep
So if you need me as much as you say
Then I’ll be here
By your side
Never moving
Always fighting
Waiting until I do become replaceable
With my hat in hand
And my route to nowhere mapped out
On a napkin in the back of my mind

You can hear the drums beating in the stands
Pounding out the chant of a thousand hands
From a lost generation that’s been hurt too much
When we came out we were holding a crutch
They tell us that we’re living in better times
Tell that to the tears rolling from our eyes
From drugs to guns man we’ve seen it all
When there was peace, I can’t recall

What’s the point of it all?
What makes it all worthwhile?
I’ve lost everything to this
My life, my home and now my art
I simply have nothing left to give
Because while you comfort
You also take away
And while you create
You also destroy
I never planned on this
Straddling the while line
Between love and hate
I need your smile
And your comforting hand
I need your love
And you next to me at night
But I need myself as well my love
I need to be who I am
Because without myself I am no one
And if I am no one, then we are nothing
You’ve given me more than I can return
I could never count the smiles
Or all the memories you’ve brought me
But I can count the pains
And there’s but one
The pain you created
When you took my soul
Your share in this package deal
But I can pay you no more my dear
Because now the price is just too high
Even a lifetime of happiness isn’t worth this
Losing and forgetting who I am
Because even though I’d never be alone
You’d be sleeping with a corpse at night

Hello my friend
whom I see looking down on me
like a ghost
dangling from my bedpost
Hello to he who call himself
dream catcher
or the catcher of dreams
You protect me
save me
and keep the nightmares away
But since I hung you
all those nights ago
I have not dreamt at all
Now every morning I wake up
and wonder if I’ve slept a wink
Have I no good dreams to dream?
Is there nothing good in my soul
left for me to dream about?
Oh dear dream catcher
the catcher of my dreams
I ask you humbly
with the kindest words
and the purest heart
To please catch a dream for me
Give me something to dream about
some reason to go to sleep
You must see many dreams
at least a million every night
So can you please spare one for me?
Please do not be selfish old friend
Please protect me no more
Because like a father who gouges
the eyes of his son
to protect him from the cruel world
you blind me to save me
and kill me to keep me alive
I beg you dear friend
let the dreams flow free tonight
Because now
more than any other night
I need the dreams you store

I know that I’m nobody
Nothing special at all
So please don’t cry for me
I’m just another
one of the many faces
praying to the rain
Take away my eyes
and drown out my voice
It doesn’t matter anymore
Don’t cover me with laurels
or decorate me with diamonds
I’m not worth it anyhow
I can’t care anymore
I know I’m worth nothing
not even the love you give to me
I’m just a broken one
a crushed little toy soldier
swept underneath the rug
No one cares about me
because no one knows me
So why even bother crying?
Just leave me alone
and make the world go away
I won’t make you happy anymore
All I do is bring pain
to those I love the most
and cripple myself all the while
Just hate me
like all of the others
It’d make things so much easier
What good is love anyhow
When it brings only heartbreak
time and time again?
I don’t know how to be genuine
I’ve lost the real me
somewhere in all of that trivia.
Everything now is just a reflection
a reflection of a broken soul
that was never worth anything
and will forever be nothing special