The Shock Jock

After my incident with the reporter in the cafeteria, I was invited to appear on a local radio show. The invitation said that the show was “A lively forum for discussing relevant and interesting issues.” But I quickly discovered that the Barry Samuel show was nothing more than one person, Barry, berating his guests with the aid of his loud-mouthed cohort Dr. Scream.

The first guest was the local sanitation manager. He took Barry’s abuse for a full hour being called everything from “our highest paid garbage man” to “the head stinker in the county.” I knew then that I had a fight on my hands.

After the sanitation manager left the studio, I was waved in. I sat in the chair opposite of Barry and waited for them to return from commercial. Once they did, Barry didn’t waste a second before tearing into me.

“Now we’re here with that famous warlock that everyone has been talking about. Now, I have to tell you, sitting here across from him, I just see a skinny kid in black. By the way how old are you son?”

“20,” I replied.

“The big two-zero well congratulations kid. But I asked you here to day to tell me why, on earth, do you call yourself a warlock.”

“Because I make the impossible possible…”

He interrupted, “Oooooh, big man, making the impossible possible. So tell me, can you walk through walls? Levitate beautiful girls? Speak in strange tongues? Turn water into wine?”

“No, I can’t.”

“So what the hell can you do that’s impossible?”

I was very irate, “Why don’t you ask that reporter who wrote the column on me?”

He leaned back in his chair, “Yeah, I have to admit kid, you made a fool out of that reporter. But let me tell ya something, I’m not that dumb, you can’t make a fool out of me.”

“I think you’re doing a fine job of that yourself.”

“What did you say?” he asked leaning into me.

“I think you heard me just fine.”

“Why you little punk I oughta…”

I got out of my chair and stood in the center of the room, “Why don’t you?”

He looked around the studio for a second, unable to believe what was happening. Dr. Scream chimed in, “Yeah boss, kick his butt!”

He stood up but leaned into the mic first, “Kid, I’m twice your size, now sit down and no one gets hurt.”

“So you’re scared,” I had to speak up so the mic could hear me.

“No, I just don’t want to go to jail for a little punk like you.”

“I assure you, you won’t go to jail. Now, if you’re not scared of me, prove it.”

He placed his headset upon the table, and began to walk toward me. “Want me to hold him for ya boss?” Dr. Scream injected.

Barry glanced over at him and said, “Naw, just keep your seat, I’ll handle him.”

He raised his right hand and took a swing. Quickly, with my left hand, I grabbed his arm and dug my fingers into a pressure point between the bones in the wrist and gave a twist. This dropped him to his knees at which point, with my free hand, I dug two fingers into the soft spot between the collarbone and the neck.

It was all too easy.

He moved his right arm to try to break free. I applied more pressure on both points causing him to let out a scream so loud it red lined all of the meters in the studio. He was trapped.

I spoke up, “For those of you listening at home, I currently have Barry trapped in a combination wrist lock/neck pinch. He is kneeling in front of me powerless to get out. I could kill him if I wanted, but he’s not worth going to jail for.”

“Dammit you idiot! Help me!” he cried out.

Dr. Scream looked at him and shrugged his shoulders, “Sorry boss, you told me to stay here.”

I looked down at Barry. “Now didn’t you say that I would never be able to make a fool of you?” He nodded and I applied more pressure, “then say it out loud so your listeners can hear.”

“YES!”

“Do you feel like a fool right now?”

“YES!”

I let him go and shoved him to the floor. “Well, there I go, making the impossible possible once again. Any questions?”

He looked up at me and wiped his nose with his sleeve, “Get the hell out of my studio!”

I made my way to the door pausing only a second to look over my shoulder at him and say, “That’s where I wanted to be in the first place.”